This evening brought to you by the corny chicken dance.

Chester Chicken's here to say, don't you dare try to dress me up that way! Chicken fingers, tenders or sticks aren't for you, they make you sick! Grill me, roast me, pan-fry me crisp, serve me with salad or a lemon twist! But please, oh please, just leave alone, those goofy fingers that gots no bones.

Back to work and normal life today, good. Didn't get to grocery shop this week so I picked up a salad, some soup and some chicken fingers for lunch in the cafe at work. They were yummy, but later on it felt like I had a herd of buffalo migrating through my belly. No bueno.  No bueno burrito. I know better. It was the icing on the road trip cake of less-than-great food choices and options.

If you've read my early entries you might remember my elimination diet and that corn and cow's milk dairy are my primary food-distress culprits. That means all forms of either. Corn syrup, maltodextrin, dextrose, on and on. The milk products are easier to spot and since my trouble is mostly with casein I can still enjoy butter. I generally won't risk it with other dairy except in very planned circumstances. If you want to know more about just what happens shoot me a comment or an email and we can chat. So I knew the chicken was a bad idea. I'm sure it's got corn in it. It'll be many weeks before I make a major slip like that again. I say weeks as I being realistic. The slips are further and further apart as they seem more unpleasant each time. Why wouldn't they? I feel so good the rest of the time that my body has developed higher standards. And it takes days for all the symptoms to really clear up. Itchy skin, achy belly, buffalos.

So, I hope you're having a better belly night than I am. A bad day does not mean a bad week! Here we go go!

Not every day is amazing.

If every day started like today it would be hard to keep motivated and going to the gym.  Takes 21 days to make a habit but only three to break it, right? Well...

I spent the last three days driving 14 hours roundtrip to Wisconsin to help my dude's mom pack up the home dude grew up in, where they lived for over 30 years. It was a really good trip, we took the little lady J (my dude's daughter) and got to see all of the cousins and have lots of hugs. There were a few high tension moments but overall really good, productive. 

For me personally it was great to be there, to support his family, to keep building my relationship with his mom and sisters. But it also meant a vegetable desert, fried foods as far as the eye can see, awkward body work and poor sleep.  Coming home to sleep in my own bed and get back on the normal food train is really nice. 

Getting up this morning after our long car ride home and awesome parade of road food and pastries,  I had a hard time.  My trainer didn't show up for our appointment. I could barely hack 5 minutes in the stair climber. I did some walking on the treadmill and a good bit of cycling but trudged home feeling super tired and blah. 

Tomorrow will be better. I might need some pinterest time today. And maybe some window shopping on lucy or lululemon, too. Tomorrow will be better. Getting back in the swing.

Did you know I'm on Pinterest, too?

On Pinterest I while away the minutes (hours?) finding inspiration, motivation, food, and that sweet, tickly feeling I get from seeing and learning new things. My "Healthy" board is one of my most busy lately. Though I admit to using Pinterest a fair amount for work also and you can see my interests range fairly wide for subjects to hunt down. I don't super often pin things about my own fashion tastes or desires but I do have a "My Style" board where a few gems like this one are:

My aspirational hair.  Assymmetrical with big curls tumbling down one side... It's motivating to look at the picture occasionally since I've got a few months to go. Here's a progress shot, er, collage!

And my favorite hair product of the moment.  My boss also has very curly hair and said this stuff wasn't a great fit for her. It's amazing for me! Free hair product for me!

Anywho, I heart Pinterest and I invite you to follow my boards or live vicariously through my pins if you don't have an account yourself! http://pinterest.com/biscuit_buster Happy Pinning!

Adventures in shopping and the daily grind.

Since I joined a gym on May 20th I have gone every weekday morning at about 515am. I've been tracking my calories (which I never thought I would do) and my exercise. I am doing my best to not be "that girl" in my day to day life but I've also been pleasantly surprised by the support that I have gotten from friends, coworkers and family.

I continue to find motivation wandering through the cyber highways of pretty, pretty Pinterest and also picked up a couple of new pairs of workout pants. I've been on the hunt for a second pair of gym shoes but I am finding that if you do not fit in New Balance or Nike's concept of an athletic foot (long and narrow?) the market is a little hard to shop. I also admit to trolling Marshall's and similar stores with a rabid determination only further validated when I found that my friend M has my SAME Saucony Grids and that on Zappos they are still $75. I picked mine up for $40 at Marshall's. WIN!

The other thing I've recently embarked on (and my head is still not fully wrapped around it) is meeting with a trainer. I went in for my initial consultation and he was actually very nice. Encouraging and enthusiastic without being slimy or creepy (unlike my experience with the first sales guy, ugh!) so here I am in this meeting and suddenly I've signed up to meet once a week (not sneaky in any way, just one of those got-swept-up kinda things) and I've quadrupled my monthly gym costs. And I remind myself: this is an investment. In me. In my future. My health. My sex life! 

That first meeting made realize how very little I know and that although I've got a weighty (yes, I went there) goal I can do it. It will take time. And energy. And it's a better investment than lunches out and Starbucks.

So back to the important bit on shopping: the best pair of shoes I've found are Brooks. They are super comfy. But they are brown and seafoam green. I wear 90% black and grey when I work out. I bought them. They are on my kitchen table staring me down. I'm just not sure about the brown. What would YOU do?

 

Some things. unrelated in nature.

First, the announcement of a small victory. I burned two pounds this week! I am lucky to have access to one of those doctor-style scales at work. I confess to stepping onto the scale at the gym and being dismayed by the inaccuracy of its readout. The scale at work can show me cleanly and clearly measurements as small as a quarter pound. I am a believer of using the same scale consistently.

Second, I have a lust for one of these chairs. They come in a few different styles but, ultimately, I want a ball chair. I have noticed that my circulation is very affected by sitting in my office chair all day long. I have a life-long (bad?) habit of sitting with my legs folded beneath me. You may recall I am a mere 4'11"... my feet do not ordinarily touch the floor in most chairs. So, I can sit with my feet tucked or propped and reach all the things on my desk appropriately, or, I can lower my chair so that my feet rest comfortably on the floor and feel like a child trying to reach across my desk. My hope is that with a chair like this one, I will improve my circulation, engage my muscles more actively and also sit at a workable height at my desk. Have you tried one? Wanna tell me all about it???

Finding inspiration.

This morning when I went looking for a little inspirational fit and healthy blah blah blah I found this image. Which made me think of Charlie. Charlie the Unicorn. Don't know it? Aw, dang. You need to know about it.

I learned about Charlie many years ago and he has stayed with me. So, Shun the Non-Believers! But don't let anyone fool you into following them into Candy Mountain. It just ends in pain and disappointment. I read a lot of motivational/inspirational quotes and posters about how sweating makes you hardcore, pain is something to overcome, push yourself! Go harder! Faster! Whatever. Here's my favorite encouragement:

It's simple. It is not demeaning. It is not a chastisement hidden within an encouragement. I think it at least once every time I go to yoga, the gym or for a run. I look for posters and such that make me feel like I can keep going, like I can do it, like there is something worth working toward in the near term and also the short.

And lastly, because I have long-held desire to figure out how to wear secret yoga pants (yoga pants that look like fashion pants or trousers) to work, I would like to share this with you, too.

Is there anything you wish people talked about from their weight loss journey?

In future posts I plan to cover things I wish other folks wrote about:

• how to buy clothing that will help you through your transitional weights and sizes
• what the little victories are and how to find your own
• how much freakin' work it is to plan and execute a successful weight loss plan
• navigating the weight loss conversation with friends, family, co-workers
•  what happens when you DO lose weight
• changes in energy (fact or crap?)
• what happens to your skin
• the mysteries of cellulite

 Are there other things you want to hear about? 

I joined a gym.

I also downloaded MyFitnessPal. Spending the last few days chronicling my every calorie and rep has been... revealing. My determination to get back to a manageable, healthy-feeling body is sharply focused. Here are a few shots of my journey so far.

Left to right: May 2010 BSB @225lbs (Before South Beach), Fall 2011 Height of my Success@174lbs, May 2013 Current State of Affairs @209lbs

Here's the current plan: 

• Weekdays 
• early morning workout 30-60min mixing cardio and strength training
• record my workout content and rotate muscle group focus
• record calorie intake and stay under my daily calorie goal
• Weekends
• days off of daily workouts
• 1 yoga or other class
• prepare for the week (menu prep, grocery/foods prep)
• keep calorie counts consistent with workout days (about 1550)
• this may get tweaked but my no-exercise calorie goal of 1200 just makes me hungry all the time and I know that will only lead to binging which defeats the purpose altogether

And that's kind of it for the moment. I'll be on the lookout for great salad combos since I get a lot of eating satisfaction from eating them without a huge whomp to my daily totals. Some days will be more successful than others. I plan to reward myself with clothing and music. Days that I go over or fall off the wagon are just that: days.

I've also made the move to rework my closet and dresser contents. For awhile now I've been slowly migrating my these-don't-fit-right-now items to the corner of my closet. I think it's good to have them out of the daily rotation but I know it will be more exciting to pull them out of their cleanly packed bins and feel the victory of wearing things I love and will fit again.

I got two large bins that now hold everything that falls into the SMALLER category. Under the tape labels of the second bin are a second set of labels that say BIGGER. I'm excited to migrate clothes out of the SMALLER bin and rotate clothes into the BIGGER bin. And rip those SMALLER labels off.

I won't make the mistake I did previously of getting rid of everything. I have been between a rock and a hard place as I have gained weight: I have little that fits and that I enjoy wearing and yet I do not want to buy things that will fit my body now. I don't want to buy things that have such large numbers on the tags. So no, I won't purge my whole wardrobe this time around. I will hold it as a reminder.  Just as the presence of too-small clothing in my closet drives me to feel ashamed, the presence of clothing that is too big will make me feel victorious.

I look forward to writing about the little victories and the big.

Well that took awhile...

Here we are, approaching Memorial Day weekend and I've had it. I am tired of feeling fat, holding my breath to tie my shoes, feeling my belly push my breasts up and make normal tops and necklines seem like after-hours-only clothes. I am tired of being winded walking up the stairs at work every morning. I am tired of my calves burning while I try to keep up with friends while simply walking through the skyway. I am done.

I am 4'11" tall. About 3 years ago I started on the South Beach diet and lost 51 pounds. I was in grad school, living in Philadelphia and working full time. I had a full, busy life and I still made those changes. I got down to 174 pounds and cried in relief. I was still very overweight for someone my height.

In my transition to living in Minnesota I lost my progress. The things that had worked weren't working anymore:

• I didn't love my yoga classes anymore- In Philly I had been going 2-3 times a week and felt utter joy and resonating calm and determination. I felt motivated to keep coming back. I loved all of the teachers. In MN I struggled to find a studio that gave me those feelings. I still haven't and I have only recently come to realize I may need to find a new exercise-drug.
• I was a dating maniac and my diet became less stable. 
• The winters here are long and dark and cold. I just didn't want to do anything. 
• I have struggled to make a new circle of friends. Having long-held, close ties with a large group in Philly meant always being able to fall into the net of finding a buddy and having a true choice about going solo for various activities. 

I stopped feeling motivated. I blamed my diet. I went to yoga less. I tried running (which I LOVE but is very hard to get going seriously in the winter!) I tried going gluten free (gained 20 pounds!). Slowly, all of my progress slipped off as I stopped holding onto it. I made poor food choices. I wasn't exercising.

So. Here I am. Again. Just about 10 pounds lighter than when I first embarked on my big weight loss journey. I am not fucking around. I am determined. I want to be able to run and jump and play. I want to be able to buy pants in a traditional size run.

I will post separately on my plans to shed the pounds. There are plans, for sure. And I am gonna kick this chubby machine into action. Checking in here will remind me to revel in the small victories as well as the bigger ones.

More experimentation.

This week marks a new round of trials. I had my test day for adding corn back into my diet early this week and tomorrow I try wheat! I have plans, major plans, for wheat day. Oven-fried chicken and mac-n-cheese with whole wheat noodles and oodles of delicious goat and sheep cheese.

I am slightly hesitant about embarking on this next trial given that I have broken out in a couple of spots with itchy bumps (low back and, ugh, in a body roll). I confess I feel ashamed of things like this, embarrassed, since I associate the outbreaks with a lack of control and also a feeling of sloth and fatness.

So what do I do? Keep trucking. Treat and cleanse and rest and drink water. And plot. Plotting exercise. And food. And health. I would like a bottom like this.

I found this fun Brazillian Butt Workout set on Pinterest. Last night I made my first foray into the world of round bottom shaping... and it was good. I feel it more in my quads today than my butt. I'll still take it. More tomorrow.

Even better than the butt will be the heart. Hopefully like the one below. All shiny and happy and surrounded by cosmic energy... Ok, maybe not cosmic energy, but definitely kid-chasing, trail hiking, faster running energy.

 

On the docket this weekend: wheat experiment. Purchase running bra and seek out advice on leg compression sleeves to get my running progress on track. Oh yeah.