The world might be effed. Check any news site, any social media app and you’ll see (probably) what I see; the world in distress and her people in chaotic disagreement, to put it mildly. Here are some of the things that have been on my mind.
Do you feel alone? We live in bubbles. I have heard people talk about their quarantine bubbles; those folks they allow contact with while trying to reduce vectors of infection. But I also see bubbles in geography and matters of opinion. Here’s an example:
My family went camping a few hours from our city. Once we went north, beyond the last “big city”, it was like a switch had flipped. Coronavirus wasn’t real, folks didn’t wear masks, or socially distance. Gift shops and ice cream stands were open. Shop workers wore no PPE. These are small towns where everyone knows the local radio DJ and you can tell there’s an out-of-towner coming through your supermarket. It was weird. Dully shocking.
It made me realize that outside the city the pandemic doesn’t look or feel real. There are lots of folks who do not “believe” in it. Folks who don’t interact with others outside their towns, who don’t travel or have colleagues scattered across the globe. They live in a bubble, too. And in between we do not meet. Except, apparently, at the ice cream shop.
Don’t cut people out. I see it every day on social media, hear it from colleagues: people are burning out. Burning out on the pandemic, burning out on the work it takes to overcome racial injustice, burning out on being an ally and changing how we show up for each other.
That burnout is coming out as people shutting down, withdrawing and turning on each other. Blocking friends, muting feeds… there’s a slim line between self-preservation and perpetuating the isolating bubbles that have contributed to us getting here. We curate our lives to be filled with only that which we like, agree with or makes us feel good. Simultaneously, out in the world, people are moving further apart and reacting with hatred and fear when we encounter conflict. When we cut out opinions that do not align with our own we lose a vital piece of connection, cripple our opportunity to understand what else is out there. Seeing things that upset us in our carefully cultivated feeds is evidence of some diversity, which we need in order to get more connected, reduce fear and anger and conflict. Don’t cut people out.
The precinct near our house and where I took my daughter to talk about what’s going on in our city. How to cautiously interact with law enforcement. This statue framed in razor wire feels like more of a statement than anything.
What is self care? So if we live in bubbles and shouldn’t cut others out and everyone’s on the verge of burnout… What do we do? I’ve been taking social media in bites. I read articles and books in moderation. I sleep and feed myself and mostly shower regularly (like I should have this morning…) But my energy has tanked, my emotional bank is running on dregs. I am less active and know that being active will make me feel better but how can I get motivated to not just work and family and do the dishes and fold the laundry and toss and turn as I fall asleep at night? More and more, self care is getting my family to do things. Watch a movie together, sure. But have conversations. Have my kid reach out to her friends for a socially distant friend date. Urge my husband to keep going on his walks (he’s big on Pokemon Go). I draw and paint and sew. And when we have each had something for ourselves, we are better for each other. Self-care is a positive loop that helps me care for my family and loved ones. Even when I don’t want to.
Art supplies I tote around the house like a security blanket. Watercolor pieces I started as I try to process the revolution in progress.
This impossibility. I don’t want to be white anymore. I have had this thought on and off throughout my life. I don’t want to be part of the oppressive majority. I don’t want be part of the appropriating culture. I can’t change the color of my skin and sitting in that absurd thought means I’m not using my privilege to make things better. Don’t want to be embarrassed by your legacy? Put in the work. Don’t like the feeling of guilt over what you have and did not work for? Put in the work to help lift others up. It’s part of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, and knowing that everything feels like a lot of work, until it becomes practice. I wasn’t born knowing how to walk or feed myself and these days I take those skills for granted. They were hard things to learn. But once I did, I could run. So I’m learning to be part of making the world better with the hope that one day it will come as easily.