I downloaded Noom with great reluctance. Something I have been working on in therapy is my very black and white thinking; something is either good or bad, I have made progress or failed, no middle. Another thing is my need for rules (these are closely tied together); do this, not that, eat this list of foods, do all the exercise, shame yourself whenever you fail to meet a single expectation.
The Noom ads all felt so… culty. Very one-of-us, one-of-us… but the ads also insisted that this wasn’t a diet. It was about behavior change. Something that I have picked up and dropped, so many times since starting food therapy, is food logging or keeping a food diary. Just writing down what I ate (or thought I ate) wasn’t very meaningful to me. But I needed to start getting a better understanding of what I was actually consuming. In total. I tend to think of my day as very compartmentalized, “Oh, I was ‘bad’ at lunch, whatever, it’s just a day, I’ll try again tomorrow, might as well eat this cake, too.” I also needed a push to get more active. Note, I did NOT say exercise. Exercising because I should or it's the right thing to do makes me not want to do it. That’s great, right?
So Noom. Right off the bat I told myself not to change anything about how I was eating for the first week. I wanted to know, to see, what I was really eating. How much, how often, what was I eating and then basically pretending I hadn’t eaten (that mini candy bar on the team table? That Starbucks run? Those aren’t meals, they don’t really make a big difference, right?) So I catalogued it all.
Noom breaks foods down into Green, Yellow and Red groups. Green are least calorie dense, then Yellow, then Red
Here’s the “Yellow” category.
This is the Red group.
The results were… informative. I thought I would be more upset. But that’s the therapy working, I did not immediately go to self-judgement. I wanted to know what I was eating and how it was effecting my body. I thought I wasn’t eating a ton of vegetables, now I really knew. I thought I was eating what I would consider “healthy” options but applying the calorie-density idea I could see the logic in eating fewer calorie-dense foods. I started learning how to appease my desire to eat a of heap of something, actually be full, and still work toward my weight loss goals. I still eat cake. I still have cocktails. But I plan for them. And don’t have them as mindlessly.
There are daily prompts with Noom; short articles and to-do’s. Today they revisited a previous one talking about how your New Normal has changed. it’s what inspired me to write this entry. Double whammy of sharing my experience and getting to write out my thoughts on the prompt. Here we go!
What new eating habits have you honed?
-Unplanned meals have become more thoughtful, I can focus on food-as-fuel on those occasions where I let planning slip instead of jumping on fast food. I also feel less guilt about enjoying foods I have long considered “junk”. I can enjoy a smaller amount since I’m not also trying to eat my guilt.
What new activity patterns have you developed?
-I started taking ballet classes! It’s so hard but feels so good. I was really struggling with finding exercise that fits my family’s schedules and that I actually enjoy. It feels like coming home in a way, I danced from age 3 all the way up through college. I missed it. Now, when I struggle I have a strong desire to get stronger and more graceful. Not just burn calories or prevent health issues. I actually like dancing. So I want to do it more. The health benefits come second.
How have you established positive triggers?
-I talked to my husband about what I need to be successful in making healthy changes; the biggest thing I asked for was for him to be supportive and he’s really stepped up. Prodding me to keep things up when I am feeling like dropping, remarking on how happy I am when I come home from dance class.
How have you changed your mindset?
-Part of why I want to lose weight is to work toward a breast reduction. Getting more active is showing me that part of my discomfort with my body is disuse. The largeness of my bust is one piece of a total puzzle. I feel less tied to surgery as an end-goal. I want so very much to feel better in my body. I want to lose weight but I realized I’ve started feeling changes in my body and am almost surprised at changing in size. I’ve been so tied to that number on the scale going down I divorced it in my mind from feeling the changes in my body. Now I am chasing those good feelings more and running from bad feelings less.
What obstacles have you made obsolete?
-I don’t know about this one. I feel like I am still in very early days. I have a large number in mind as my goal. Noom reinforces a lot of what I have been working on in therapy. That reinforcement makes me slow down a bit and appreciate the work I have been putting in for the last few years and not just focusing on the last couple of months. Sustainable change IS possible. I don’t think I believed that before.
How will your life look different, feel different? identify 3 feelings you want to be a part of your new normal. What behaviors will help you get there?
I want to feel… strong, nimble, responsive. Behavior: keep up with physical movement
I want to feel… physically confident. Behavior: Challenge yourself to try new types of physical activity!
I want to feel… cheating on this one I want to NOT feel winded after a flight of stairs or keeping up with friends walking. How can I phrase that in the positive instead of the negative? Behavior: Same as the above really. Feeling a post-dance class high, of course!
Woo! A lot of writing for today. I hope some of you, any of you (IS there anyone reading these?), find what you are looking for. If you are interested in hearing more about any of this or have any questions, reach out.
Ok! Time for a walk to get some more steps in. And to all… a good night.